Dirty Little Secret
by BlueDaisy2158
Summary: Harry has kept a secret about who he loves for ten years. What happens when it finally slips out? This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it keeps popping up in my head. It is basically crack fic. HD Post Hogwarts.
1. Dirty Little Secret

Disclaimer: I don't own them, of course, because if I did, I wouldn't have time to be writing this. I would be far too busy.

Author's Note: This is the lightest thing I think I have ever written. Oh, and this story has nothing to do with the fantastic song by the All-American Rejects.

Harry Potter had one huge secret. It was one he had held close to his heart since he was a fourth year. He was in love with Draco Malfoy.

It came as a huge shock to him when he first realized the truth. He was realizing for the first time that not only did he fancy boys, he was also in love with his biggest rival. The realization came to him when he first discovered who was behind the "Potter Stinks:" buttons. He was surprised to realize that it hurt more when he knew who was responsible. He began to think, 'Why would it bother me more that Malfoy is behind all of this? It shouldn't even surprise me, really.'

But when he really thought about it, he knew the truth. And that brought about ten years of lying to everyone, including his closest friends. He could never tell Ron and Hermione, because Malfoy was their biggest rival as well. Not to mention the fact that he was also a boy. So Harry suffered through three years of unrequited love that he tried very hard to pass off as obsessive hatred, all the while wishing that he could have a chance with Malfoy.

Alas, that opportunity never occurred while they were in school, and after Malfoy's big exit from Hogwarts during their sixth year, Harry was forced to shove his feelings to an even deeper place within his heart where he hoped they would never again see the light of day.

During the war, Harry was really too busy to even begin thinking about Malfoy. That is, until he discovered that Malfoy was actually a spy. Then he had to think about him all of the time, because Harry was made Malfoy's handler. That way any top secret information Malfoy had to share would go directly to the top without worry of it accidentally or even purposely leaking.

Harry was able to keep his secret to himself though. Every time he would even come remotely close to jumping Malfoy he would firmly remind himself that this was not the time. And that dark allies and abandoned buildings were hardly the place for romantic rendezvous. Of course, that only became harder when he realized that Malfoy was gay, too. Though, when he thought about it, it should have been obvious from the very beginning because no one was more of a ponce than Draco Malfoy.

Despite many chances to let the secret slip, he managed to keep it throughout the five year war and even for three years after the war. During that time, it was exceptionally difficult because Harry and Malfoy, now called Draco, had become friends. Five years of close contact in a stressful situation will do that to people, so it was no surprise to anyone when they began to spend a lot of time together after the war.

Throughout those ten long years, Harry was always wishing for a chance to tell Draco about his feelings. What he didn't realize, was that he had been given too many chances to count. Too many chances he had never taken. Then one day, a very drunk Harry Potter accidentally admitted his undying love for his friend to his friend while said friend was trying to help him get to bed to sleep it off.

The encounter went something like this:

Harry: You're sooooooooooo pretty, Draco!

Draco (sneering): You're just now noticing that, Potter?

Harry: No. I've known for a looooooooooooooong time. A really long time. Long, long, long, long, long…

Draco (raising eyebrow): Really? And you're just now telling me?

Harry (shrugging and stumbling a bit): 'M not sposed to tell 'cause then you might know 'bout the secret.

Draco: What secret?

Harry (attempting to roll eyes and failing miserably): The one 'm not sposed to tell!

Draco: Harry, you have to tell me. I'm your best friend and best friends don't have secrets.

Harry: Nope, 'm not gonna (hic) tell you the secret (hic) 'bout how I love Malfoy.

Draco: You're not going to tell me that you are in love with me?

Harry: Nope, 'm not gonna tell. I have to keep it a secret.

Draco (exasperatedly): Why do you have to keep it a secret. Maybe I love you, too.

Harry: Nope, you can't. 's umpossible.

Draco: You mean impossible?

Harry: Yep, 's zactly what I mean.

Draco: Okaaaaay…I'm just going to help you get to bed and we can talk about this in the morning.

Harry: mmmhmmm.

The next morning, Harry stumbled out of his bedroom to find Draco sleeping peacefully on his couch. He had just a moment to stare before Draco's eyelids began to flutter and he found himself gazing into blue/gray eyes he could lose himself in. That is, until he shook himself out of it, afraid of giving up his secret.

"So, um, how trashed was I last night?" he asked nervously.

"Pretty trashed. At least enough to give up all of your deep dark secrets," Draco replied, staring at him pointedly.

Harry gulped and laughed in a shaky slightly hysterical sort of way. "Um, really? Ha, Ha. What kind of secrets?"

Draco's eyes softened, but of course, Harry missed that little detail. "Oh, too many to name them all, but one in particular. You told me you love me."

Harry stepped backward and his eyes began darting from side to side. "Um, yeah. That's hilarious, isn't it. I don't know why I would have said anything like that. Yeah, well, I think I have to go throw up now. You know, the hangover and all of that," and he rushed off to the bathroom.

When he returned thirty minutes later, he was sincerely hoping that Draco would have already gone, but he had no such luck. Draco was sitting at the breakfast bar calmly nibbling at dry toast and reading the paper. He noticed that the space next to Draco had also been set with toast, water, and a bottle of asprin.

He thought that maybe they would just be able to forget about it all until Draco finally spoke. "Why couldn't you tell me that you love me when you were sober?" came the question of the day.

"Draco, I was drunk, okay? I didn't even know what I was saying, you have to believe that," Harry pleaded.

"Why do I have to believe that? I don't you know. I believe that you are in love with me, just like you said last night when your guard was down. I want to know why you can't tell me that under normal circumstances and why you think I could not possibly return your feelings."

Harry looked away before saying, "I can't tell you because it's not true."

"That's a lie, Harry, and you know it. I know you love me. I just wish you would have said something sooner. It would have saved me a lot of heartache," Draco told him.

"But I … wait. It would have saved _you _a lot of heartache. What is that supposed to mean?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "It means that I love you, too, you daft cow. I don't know why because you are apparently not the fastest snitch on the quidditch pitch, but I do. If you really love me, then I wish you would have done something about it because then I wouldn't have had to wait for you all of these years."

"Wait a minute. You were waiting for _me_ to say something?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Well, I was never really sure how you felt, and I was obvious enough that I thought even someone as slow as you could figure it out. Everyone else knew."

"Who knew?"

"Everyone. Blaise, Vincent, Greg, Snape, Ron, Hermione…"

"THEY KNEW!"

"Well, Hermione figured it out first. She always said we would make a great couple, but I was always sure you weren't interested."

"You mean to tell me that if I had just told even Hermione about my secret, we could have been together years ago?"

"Well, yeah. Boy, Potter, if I ever have a secret, at least now I know who I can trust to never tell," Draco said, smirking.

Harry's eyes were wide as he began to stutter, "But I…I mean…I can't believe it…just can't…I don't understand…I…" Then Draco silenced him once and for all with the sweetest kiss Harry had ever received.

From that day forward, Harry and Draco were inseparable (often literally), and Harry never kept a secret from Draco or Hermione again.


	2. Don't Tell Anyone

Author's Note: This was supposed to be a one-shot, but I had so much fun writing a more humorous version of Harry and Draco that I had to continue it. I'll keep adding chapters as long as I have ideas in my head, but they will be more like short stories that all take place in the same universe.

During the first month of their "real" relationship, Harry insisted that Draco keep it all a secret. At first it seemed kind of romantic, so Draco was willing to play along, but after a month of having to stop himself every time he was about to say something about his boyfriend, it had gotten old.

The straw that finally broke the camel's back was when Draco's boss at the ministry tried to set him up with his daughter, Brunhilda. First and foremost, Draco was as gay as blazes and not about to date any woman (even if she was kind of butch, as the boss's daughter appeared to be), and second, he was already in a relationship with the greatest catch in the wizarding world, thank you very much. He just couldn't tell anyone. Having a secret relationship was not fun anymore, and after eight years of living in hell (what with the war and living a lie and all), Draco was all about fun.

On their next date/not a date 'cause we're still pretending to be totally platonic friends, Draco felt the issue just had to be addressed. So, while walking out of the restaurant, Draco casually said, "Harry, I think we should come out. You know. Tell everyone that, well, we are both gay and love each other and shag like bunnies when no one is watching."

"Huh?" Harry replied, intelligently. "We don't shag like bunnies. We don't shag at all. Well, yet anyway," he blushed.

"Well, that wasn't really the point, but since you brought it up…"

"You want to tell everyone about us? I thought you liked the secret romance thing," Harry said, hesitantly.

Draco sighed the deep dramatic sigh of someone born to great wealth. "Well, I did at first, of course. It was romantic and all. It's just that now I want to be able to talk about my boyfriend and how wonderful he is." Draco paused here to smile charmingly. "And I also want people to stop thinking you're single, or straight for that matter. Not to mention the fact that they also think I'm available, and if my boss tries one more time to set me up with Brunhilda, I think I may hurt someone."

Harry, who had been fortunate enough to have met Brunhilda at a ministry Christmas party, shuddered delicately in sympathy. "If you really want to tell everyone, we can. I just wanted to keep you to myself a little bit longer. When everyone finds out, there will be no end to the attention we'll get."

"A little full of your self, hmmm?"

Harry blushed again. "Well, both of us are kind of well known."

Draco smirked. "Really? You don't say."

"So, how do you want to do it?" Harry reluctantly asked.

"On every horizontal surface in your flat and mine, but Harry you have to quit changing the subject to sex."

"That's not what I meant," Harry mumbled. "And you're the one who keeps changing the subject to sex."

"Me? Of course, not, Harry. I would never dream of speaking of such indelicate matters." Draco smiled mischievously.

"I meant," Harry firmly stated, "how do you want to come out to everyone. An interview with the Prophet? Witch Weekly? At a press conference?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "How about something a little more private for starters. Maybe we could tell our friends first," Draco said slowly in the sort of voice people use for children or mental patients.

"Um, I never really thought of that."

"You're kidding, right? You mean to tell me that the only reason you didn't want to tell anyone about our relationship was that you didn't want to have to do a high profile interview? We are just dating. I'm sure that won't make or break anyone's day, let alone have a lasting and all important impact on wizarding society."

Harry gulped and then set about making himself look determined. "Okay, we'll start with people we know and work from there. Who do you want to come out (and here he paused to make quotation marks with his fingers) to first?"

Draco's facial expression quickly changed from charming to calculating and just a little bit wicked. "Well, my boss invited me over for dinner on Thursday night. I was thinking I should bring a date."

Harry shook his head. "I knew you couldn't really have pure motives for wanting to expose our relationship to the world."

Draco smiled. "Harry, if we ever get a little bit better acquainted, I am sure you will discover that the only thing pure about me is my blood."

"Is that another hint about sex?"

"Well, since you brought it up…"


	3. Who Has to Know Pt 1

Who Has to Know

Part 1:

Mr. Bones and Brunhilda

Brouhaahaan Bones had had a long and successful career with the Ministry of Magic. He was relatively wealthy and was of the age where a man begins thinking of retirement. But first, he had to find a wealthy man for his daughter to marry. It wasn't that Brunhilda couldn't find a husband on her own, she just didn't seem inclined to, and that was disturbing to a man like Brouhaahaan Bones. Single young witches were supposed to think about handsome young wizards. That was just the way things were supposed to be.

When Draco Malfoy first stepped in to Mr. Bones' office, he knew right away that this was the man for his daughter. Malfoy was tall, attractive, young, wealthy, and best of all, single. Of course, Mr. Bones was not deaf. He had heard the rumors about Malfoy being gay, but he didn't believe them anymore than he believed his own daughter when she told him she was a lesbian. Young people these days were misguided and just needed a little push from an older, more experienced man to get them back on the right track. And anyway, he had never seen Malfoy wear anything purple or pink or even rainbow colored. That was confirmation enough for Brouhaahaan Bones.

He therefore began a great scheme in which he attempted, quite subtly of course, to put the two young people together. For a while, they both seemed to resist, but now it seemed to be coming together nicely. Mr. Bones was a great romantic at heart and attributed it all to the fluttering nerves and changing minds of innocent young people. Now, though, there would be nothing to separate them as they finally met under his own roof for a dinner so romantic it would surly culminate in a proposal. Mr. Bones sighed in contentment just thinking about it.

To top it all off, Malfoy, or Draco as he should call his soon to be son-in-law, was bringing along Harry Potter, whom Mr. Bones was certain would be almost perfect for his younger daughter, Mary. Everything could not be more perfect, Brouhaahaan Bones was sure of it.

After checking to make sure the candle lighting was just right, he went to his eldest daughter's door and asked, "Brunhilda, dearest, are you ready to meet your future husband?"

Brunhilda jerked the door open and rolled her eyes at her father. "If you're so in love, why don't you want to marry him?"

Mr. Bones sighed in frustration, and said, "Now, don't be silly, dear. Of course I don't want to marry him. But I am sure you do, deep down in your heart. He is a very eligible bachelor, and quite handsome to boot. I am only doing what I know is best for you…" He paused when he realized Brunhilda was mimicking him.

At the break in her father's tirade, Brunhilda took the opportunity to reinforce a point she had long been trying to make to her father. "But I don't want a handsome bachelor, Daddy, I'm a lesbian. If anything, I want a beautiful bachelorette."

"Now, now, 'Hilda, dear. You don't know what you are saying. Of course you want to marry a nice young man. Now let's find your sister and prepare to meet our guests. I am sure Mr. Malfoy will be very punctual."

As they descended the stairs together in a silence that was neither comfortable nor unfamiliar, they heard the ringing of the door bell, and they appeared at the foot of the steps just in time to see their maid, Hazel, opening the door to an immaculately attired Draco Malfoy and his not so immaculately attired guest, Harry Potter.

Mr. Bones stepped forward immediately to shake Malfoy's hand as soon as the men had surrendered their coats to Hazel. "Ah, Malfoy," Mr. Bones addressed him warmly, "so good of you to come. You know my lovely daughter, Brunhilda, of course."

Brunhilda rolled her eyes as Mr. Malfoy took her hand to kiss it. "Of course, how could I forget one so lovely as she," he said with an air of flattery that Mr. Bones found to be particularly impressive and heartwarming. That made Malfoy's next sentence feel like a cold bucket of water being thrown upon his heart. "And of course, you know my handsome boyfriend, Harry Potter."

Brunhilda's eyes lit up in amusement as they met Mr. Malfoy's over her hand. "B…b…boyfriend?" Mr. Bones asked in shock.

Malfoy turned to smile pleasantly at him, while nodding. "Yes, Mr. Bones, my boyfriend. I thought you knew that I'm gay."

Mr. Bones smiled uncomfortably, "Well, I had heard something about it, yes."

"You see, Harry and I had been friends for many years, but we were both secretly in love with each other. We have only recently…" He trailed off when a barely dressed teenager suddenly appeared pressing herself up against his boyfriend. His eyes narrowed, and he was about to attack but was stopped by Brunhilda's surprisingly strong grip on his new Prada belt.

"Mary…" she said coolly in an attempted warning that obviously went unheeded as Mary turned to rub herself seductively against the hero of the wizarding world.

"So, Daddy," she asked, "is this the one you picked out for me?"

Mr. Bones just swallowed.

Mr. Potter began making a valiant attempt to remove his new attachment. "Um…" he said, glancing briefly at his boyfriend with pleading eyes, "I'm kind of attached to someone else."

Mr. Malfoy stopped trying to pull away from Brunhilda's grasp. "Kind of?" He asked with an arched brow.

Brunhilda sighed. Everything was left up to her, as always. "Everybody freeze," she yelled in an authoritative voice. Everyone looked at her in shock, because they had pretty much forgotten that she was even there. Everyone except Hazel, of course.

"I think I've been pretty patient here, but it is time to get a few things straight." She snickered then, at the unintended joke. "Well, maybe not so straight. You see, Daddy, I am a lesbian. I have always been and will always be a lesbian. Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter here are gay. They are together. I am with Hazel. Mary is a slut. We are all happy with who we are. Be happy for us Daddy."

Mr. Bones sat down slowly on the steps. "I am so sorry, my dear. I just wanted so much to see you happy and settled with someone. I guess I forgot to see what you wanted."

Brunhilda smiled. "That's okay, Daddy. I am happy and settled." She reached out to take Hazel's hand. Together, they turned to face the rest of the room. "I think," Brunhilda suggested, "that it would be best if we all left Daddy alone for the rest of the evening. Mary, I'm sure you have a boyfriend or two waiting for you in the garden. Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter, Hazel and I know of a great gay bar a few blocks from here. Would you like to join us for a few drinks?"

As Mary slinked out to the garden and the two couples started out the front door, Mr. Bones pulled out his laptop and began a search for single, middle-aged witches. Through the open window he heard Malfoy ask, "So just what did you mean by 'kind of attached?'"


End file.
